When I travel to scout an area away from home it’s always a process. If you know me at all then you would know just getting me to go anywhere can be a process, so why would scouting be any different? You’d think because I love hunting almost more than anything I’d be dying to go. And I am. But that’s buried under a layer of anxiety and trepidation. I call this the Scout Trip Doldrums.
My wife is aware of all of this, but I swear she still envisions me skipping into the sunset off into La La land. When in fact I’m leaving full of guilt and remorse. Not to mention feeling downright selfish. I mean I am leaving her with the kid and the dogs and everything else on top of her startup company. I’ve often thought about why I have this anxiety. Perhaps it’s just I have a long list of things that really are a higher priority or perhaps it’s just that I know I am not bringing anything home for the freezer. It’s hard to say really. Yet, there she is urging me to go because she knows (and loves) me. Bless that woman.
Then I get there…and I feel alive. Like something within me is awoken. Seeing all the wildlife. Turkey, deer, pheasant, quail, dove. Incredible. And the level of “quiet” (in KS) is almost staggering. Rarely cars. Occasional airplanes. Otherwise just sounds of birds, bugs and what have you. It’s peaceful and truly mesmerizing. Damnation, she is right about that sunset after all…. However, these feelings don’t stay. They wax and wane like most everything else in life between absolute exhilaration and loneliness. I think this is natural (I hope it is) and I think it’s where we often find answers to life’s troubles.
Once at my destination, I propel myself in and work towards victory or exhaustion and oftentimes both. Only to return home again, but each time I come back I’m different. My wife sees this. She comments on it saying I am somehow better. Says she feels more appreciated and loves that I show how much I’ve missed her.
I’m lucky that I married an incredible woman that understands what I need. Often, she forces me to go hunting when I am chomping at the bit for one reason or another and just need to decompress. I appreciate this and her and, in the end, I guess we both win.
– The 8Point